Have problem eat first -sik sin; hold chopstick at end like this, hold bowl two finger left hand like this; serve boyfriend with best – garoupa cheek, shark fin, leaf veggie, chicken thigh; no forget pass him hot towel these days everyone uses tissues Mum; no ice drink (tummy ache), no mango hot wet, papaya good, pineapple cold; abalone, turtle, lobster, Shanghai crab good good – much money turtles are endangered;
tell him you drink bird nest soup every day keep complexion clear, eat greenies spirit clean, cut fat from pork; on birthday eat long noodle (no slurp!), go out town dress beautiful and walk with little swing bum (no overdo!), show off Prada handbag Cartier watch, they’re fake, Mum; alway let boyfriend sit best seat, use table chopstick if not kissed yet, wait he start before eat, serve him, leave some food no eat (show class, plenty rich); no hold hand, no hug, no kiss in public; at home, alway wear slipper, ask him do same, put shoe shoe cupboard (gross in wardrobe); no put laundry basket near clean clothes, keep used clothes away clean, tell maid turn clothes inside out before wash, peg clothes like this, no leave clothes on clothes line after sunset (so damp smelly), no leave clothes on floor, or handbag on restaurant floor (even five star top class) floor often dirty; fold underwear like this, button blouse after iron like this, use this kind hanger for coat and jacket I don’t have a coat; train maid well, no do domestic yourself (too low class ho tza); at market show maid choose most fresh swimming fish, most juice orange, neck of pig, old chicken for soup; buy best Thai rice, Chinese no good; must save money, use coupon, spot bargain, be thrifty, haggle with greedy market stall owner but I don’t even have a maid will have when marry rich husband but I don’t want a rich husband who no want rich husband? what insult to mother, your parent slave away give you best education, beat you with stick get best grades, force you study science (you no grateful now?) but let you have fun do drama, read story, play wio… violin, punish you when run down hill climb wall talk stranger (and all hour I spended help school test and dictation!); sport dangerous you know, could hurt if run too fast, cycle, swim (could drown!); summer camp dangerous too (could meet mosquito, bad man behind tree steal money), and your skin so white ‘cos no sun; teeth so straight ‘cos smack you suck thumb dentist put brace so young no worry pain the ones in my bottom jaw are crooked since my wisdom teeth came through rich husband take care teeth, and remember, while date, no give address, no tell him your father find other woman, lose job fifty-something, that aunty schizo, that brother born with two stuck toes and birthmark on neck; be sure tell him many million hell money send grandparents Ching Ming, and worship at family shrine, and baisan ancestors Spring Festival, and grandfather’s second wife buried most best Communist cemetery in Beijing Mum, I’m anti-Communist; when boyfriend show interest, be sure smile modest no show teeth, put hand over mouth if laugh, be pussy cat in public and tiger on the bed Mum! no ask him question! (but check have flat, car, good job), here we goagain NO ASK WHY! what?! and no answer back, no show emotion on face, no challenge him what say but Western education taught me to deliberate, debate, respect other people’s opinions even if I don’t share them myself and no answer back, and tell me now where you live? who with? why not tell mother? why two holes in ear and wear ugly boot, and smell smoke, and have hair so short, why blond streak? Mum, I’m …I’m still looking, okay? you mean say you think you find rich husband?